sharelogo go to beginners meeting
TOPIC/TRADITION welcome
current weekly topic WILLINGNESS Sunday 7pm topic

alan 8 November 8:18 am
There will be a step meeting tonight... We start at 7pm Paris time at  https://zoom.us/j/6907802229
The topic is Step Eleven and I suggest we have a short meditation and look at some of the AA prayers including our serenity prayer.
 

Chad 01 11 2019 3:08 pm (sent from my mobile)
Chad, alcoholic.  Grateful that in Step 10 in the Big Book, it's suggested that when resentment arises, I discuss it with someone immediately.  Because my emotions tend to hide (maybe through my character defect of repression and/or pride), I've been helped tremendously by doing an end of day (or days, or morning--procrastination is one of my defects too!) inventory, where I pray for the words like my sponsor Dave P suggested, including on resentment.  As I've been blessed to gently be shown more about my childhood trauma, maybe it's not surprising that, curled like a viper around one or more of those events, I find resentment at me.   

I'm resentful at:
Me

The Cause 
Was a soft, vulnerable target for abuse--didn't stand up, man up, toughen up, fight back, bring the wrongdoers to justice, or show my abusers the errors of their ways.

Affects my:
Self-esteem/fear
Ambition?
Security 
Personal relations 
Sex relations?

My part/mistakes
Self-seeking--my mind/disease/ego's sick misinterpretation of events has acted like a mask, numbing and feeling powerful to wear, rather than tune in more to the caring guidance of my God/Higher Power who allowed, continues to allow, and maybe always will allow bad things including abuse to happen 

Dishonest--carrying that insane message of self-hate has meant missing the gifts I've been getting in my recovery lately, including having maybe 10 long time sober friends who are also survivors of childhood abuse and whose names have come to me in start of day prayer and meditation, being blessed to practice self-care including by giving myself hugs, starting to use helpful tools on a traumatic memory in therapy, and having loving and caring conversations with these long time sober survivor friends where they  (and/or the God of my understanding through them) have helped me see that, in the words of one of them, "I deserve to live."  

Frightened--I fear this is too darkly tricky territory for me to survive, I fear I'm too lost in my own head to ever get the grounding I need for it, I fear what people will think of what I say, I fear my sexuality and other relationship tendencies are at root monstrous and predatory because of what I've been through, I fear being derailed from "first things first" in trauma recovery and dying of alcoholism, I fear I simply can't be a simple minded enough motherfucker to go to the God who for all I know has caused everything evil ever and say "Thy will be done," I fear what that last fear says about me, and I fear me.

How I retaliated (grateful my friend and hero Tom A, 53 years sober!, suggested this5th column for the resentment inventory):  at an early age, I began harming myself, most horribly and lethally through my compulsive drinking and drugging before I got sober 11-1-1.  

Grateful to have reached 18 years today!  

And grateful for your part in mysobriety today!i

Chad 30 10 2019 9:45 am (sent from my mobile)
Chad, alcoholic.  Grateful to be sober, and that I was just blessed with the willingness to apply Step 10 to fears that I had, by sharing them in a Facebook AA group and praying the fear prayer from Step 4 for each individual fear.  It works for me, to quote Paul M (who passed with 62 years of sobriety!).

Chad 28 10 2019 2:44 am (sent from my mobile)
Chad, alcoholic.  Grateful to be sober, and that I can work Step 10 by sharing fears here, then turning them over in prayer and turning my attention to someone I can help.  I fear that I'm going to fail this class I'm taking and won't be able to handle it, I fear I won't finish the incompletes that I need to in order to get the degree, I fear that I failed my friend Rod and others horribly by not showing up to do service when I said I would, I fear that I'm bipolar, I fear that I'm sexually deviant, I fear that it's too late for me to start addressing the alcoholic shit in my head how I need to so it will kill me, I fear that Mother and Meghan are doomed without me being there to save them, I fear working with other alcoholics and screwing them up, I fear a punishing God is keeping score and slowly closing in for the kill (maybe by my disturbed upstairs neighbor going on a shooting spree), and I fear my real, beyond-unbelievably-loving God/Higher Power/GoMU/? who has brought this alcoholic sober through 17 years 11 months and maybe 26 days carrying me into new adventures in surrender I can't give away or take any credit or control of.  Thanks!  Now to say the fear prayer from Step 4 on each fear, and turn my attention to someone I can help πŸ‘

Chad 27 10 2019 1:08 am (sent from my mobile)
Chad, alcoholic.  Grateful to be sober, and grateful for the willingness today to write a fear inventory and share it by audio file with multiple friends in the program.  With that weight lifted, I believe I've had a much better day.  Looking forward to evening!  

Chad 25 10 2019 9:49 am (sent from my mobile)
Chad, alcoholic.  Grateful to be sober, and thanks, Alan, for this helpful share.  Currently, I'm in the middle of a 4th Step, hoping to do a 5th Step next week, and I believe it helps me with the 10th Step as you shared.  And I can identify with hiding things--from an early age, I automatically hid serious trouble in my and others' lives.  When horrible trouble came during my drinking, people finding out seemed like the worst thing that could happen.  In sobriety, thank God (as I understand God), I have no need for secrets--I can be completely known, always in every d etail by my Higher Power, and as much as I need by my sponsor and others.  Ray M, 50 years sober when he passed!, set a helpful example for me--he let his long time sober friends see him, and they could see how he was doing.  Maybe that's part of Step 10 for me, too--letting loved ones spend time with me.  They may see things my disease won't show me.  

alan 22 October 8:59 am
Alan acloholic.

Still on the subject of willingness, and regarding our current Step Ten, It seems easier to find that willingness when I have revised my 4th and 5yh steps as I recently did.

With more clarity, and at least some old denials swept away, I can see that I have been needlessly ignoring or "forgetting" some items on my defects and wrongs inventory which are much better not left there to rot. Why would I have wanted to hide anything anyway, especially from myself? - that's the question which comes to my mind.

There will be a step meeting on Friday being the fourth of the month... We start at 7pm Paris time at  https://zoom.us/j/6907802229

Chad 20 October 8:04 am
Maybe the prayer that's helped me most with willingness is the Third Step prayer.  Also, Dave P, my sponsor 2014-15, shared a prayer with me, "please grant me the willingness to take whatever action is necessary to stay sober today," that I believe I got to say earlier today, or now yesterday since it's after midnight here.  That prayer is written in pp86-88 of my Big Book, along with others that it helps me to say as I'm going through that 11th Step work to start the day.  If I did it every day, that would be great.  Grateful for every day I've been blessed with the willingness to do it! 

Chad 18 10 2019 6:29 am (sent from my mobile)
Chad, alcoholic.  Grateful that the topic is willingness with regards to Step 10--I haven't done the nightly written inventory faithfully in a while now, and I am always better off when I do.  Grateful I can pray for willingness!

David 12 10 2019 8:52 pm (sent from my mobile)
Willingness was something foreign to me coming in the program, today though. Im willing to read the big book a few minutes everyday, im willing to say a prayer even.though i often feel its a complete useless waste of time. I do it anyway. Im willimg yo write down a gratitude list. Im willing to share myself with others. Im willing to have new experiences in my recovery path instead of attempting to stay sober on old experienced in the program. Im willing to let people go in my life who want to leave im not going to beg them to stay even when i love them and miss them so much. Im willing to be alone today and be alright with it

David 12 10 2019 8:46 pm (sent from my mobile)
Willingness was something foreign to me coming in the program, today though. Im willing to read the big book a few minutes everyday, im willing to say a prayer even.though i often feel its a complete useless waste of time. I do it anyway. Im willimg yo write down a gratitude list. Im willing to share myself with others. Im willing to have new experiences in my recovery path instead of attempting to stay sober on old experienced in the program. Im willing to let people go in my life who want to leave im not going to beg them to stay even when i love them and miss them so much. Im willing to be alone today and be alright with it

Chad 12 10 2019 8:12 pm (sent from my mobile)
Chad, alcoholic.  Grateful to be sober, and grateful that Alan's share helps me share here about fear.  I fear that it's my duty, toward someone who's not doing what they need to do  to treat their disease, to either persuade them to change or enable them.  Grateful for the4thStep fear prayer πŸ‘ 

alan 11 October 5:57 pm
Hi all, Alan alcoholic.
Tonight's step meeting is based on Step Ten:
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. click to read pdf of the steppdf download We meet on Zoom for an audio/video meeting every 2nd and 4th Fridays at 7pm Paris time. AT THIS LINK
Meeting starts in under an hour, look forward to seeing/hearing you!
" For the wise have always known that no one can make much of his life until self-searching becomes a regular habit, until he is able to admit and accept what he fi nds, and until he patiently and persistently tries to correct what is wrong"

alan 27 September 5:49 pm
Hi All, Alan alcoholic.
It's the fourth Friday of the month so tonight at 7pm Paris time we have our Step Meeting.

Tonight's topic is: Step Nine - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. click to read pdf of the steppdf download We meet on Zoom for an audio/video meeting every 2nd and 4th Fridays at 7pm Paris time. AT THIS LINK



Chad 26 September 1:11 am
Chad, alcoholic.  Grateful to be sober, and that I get to share about the 9th Step this ninth month.  Saturday, at the Archives committee meeting, I was sharing with my long timer friend Rod about how I did harm through my writing when drinking, but may be able to help out with rewriting the AA history book(let) for this Area, eastern Missouri.  He said he could definitely see how that could be "an amend."  

alan 22 September 2:59 pm
Hi all, Alan alcoholic.
Tonight's Zoom Beginners meeting will start at 7pm Paris time at the following link:
Doors open at 6:30pm. Chair person and attendees will decide the topic.

The current weekly topic Is still BACK TO BASICS but I've addded Live in the present, one day at a time.

You may find the following text helpful:
***************************************************************
"We are learning to live in the present, one day at a time. We are letting go of the 
past."

The future we place in trust to our Higher Power. Time doesn’t work against us or
challenge us, it just flows. This day need not be painless or close to paradise for us
to live in the present moment. Being aware of our lives without struggling against
time makes the day rich and full of meaning. Today, rather than wrestling with time,
I will be aware of my experiences and let time flow.

(from "Touchstones: A Book of
Daily Meditations for Men (Hazelden Meditations) (English Edition)" by Anonymous)
*****************************************************************
See you later!


Chad 18 09 2019 9:18 am (sent from my mobile)
Chad, alcoholic.  Grateful to be sober, and welcome to Michael, and thanks Alan for your shares.  Willingness to make amends is especially helpful for me to consider since I've moved to near where I did a lot of my drinking and drugging, 1991-2001, and there may be amends I haven't yet made, maybe don't even know yet that I owe.  Hopefully any will be revealed that need to be as I continue reworking the Steps with my sponsor's guidance (and maybe the guidance of others too as you've helpfully shared, Alan--I need to remember that my God/HP has blessed me with help through many channels since I got sober).  And I believe I can pray for willingness; working the Steps with my sponsor Dave 2014-15, I started to see that if I really need it, I can pray for it.  

alan 13 September 9:40 am
Alan alcoholic.

Thanks Micha, reading you again you were in hospital last year but are not at present?
Aside from Caen, there are 2 meetings in Mortain, Monday morning and Friday evening. There is no meeting in Granville any more, there's an occasional meeting at my place in Cérences face to face, about once a month.

The website continues as before, Beginners meeting on Sunday and Step meeting Fridays at 7pm Paris time on Zoom at the following link:
https://zoom.us/j/6907802229

It's not clear where you live exactly so I could help further, if you'd care to let me have your mobile phone number at webmaster@aaonlineen.fr I'd be happy to call you talk and see what other information I can give you. I believe we've talked before and you've been to our meetings online.

Keep coming back.

Alan

Micha 13 09 2019 6:55 am (sent from my mobile)
Hallo, i am Michael and i am an addict I am now back in the Normandie where i had a bad accident last year. It is not like the holidays before. I am looking for every step i make. I have very strange dreams by night. And i just see me... i realize that this morning. It was also a drama last year for my girlfriend that i have the accident. Shea’s alone in the house from Anne moment to another with the dogs and no car. I am in hospital andere managed everything. I am so in me that i cant see that she is also afraid that it happendagain and she also looks at the steps i do that i am save. I will try to go to a meeting today in Caen. I dont know if here in Normandy is another meeting. Ire you still in Granville Alain? Big hugs to all, Michael

alan 12 September 12:24 pm
Alan alcoholic.

On the topic of STEP NINE


There will be a Zoom meeting this Friday 13th September at 7pm Paris time at this link:

 
There's a great opening at this meeting for those who have experience of the steps, who have properly worked them all in the recommended manner. Chairpersons are required to guide us less experienced members through working the steps.

I for one would appreciate such guidance, not just this once but a day at a time as the years go on and more is reveiled. I've never believed that the steps could be rapidly worked and then no longer needed. I may be wrong but in the case of that being correct I will be bang on for at least one aspect of this program...

Working the steps with all comers, new and old, is a vital part of my recovery and I look forward to seeing some of you thomorrow.



alan 9 September 8:36 am
Alan alcoholic.

I do apologise for inactivity, we are now on Step Nine and there will be a Zoom step meeting this coming Friday 13/9 at 7pm Paris time.

The current weekly topic is willingness and I think it's still good for now when considering the current step.

Having made the list and become willing (in Step 8) there may be cases where the amends can no longer be made for geographical or temporal reasons. I recently had an opportunity where there was possibility and discovered that I was willing. On the other hand there are many amends I can never get to make. The work on inventory and willingness seem important to me and that's what I continue to work on.
Quite honestly, for me, there's a long way to go with the amends issue, there are many cases which seem so far out of reach. I'll be here though to work the steps next year again as we cycle through them according to the current month. It's my hope that more will join me as I need the help of other alcoholics to continue my own progress, a day at a time. And God will always give me another chance, as long as I let Him.

alan 23 August 11:38 am
Hi all, Alan alcoholic.

We are on Step Eight and I justr changed the weekly topic to...WILLINGNESS.

Nobody, I feel, is standing over me waiting for results but as the desire to stop drinking is so paramount to our recovery so is willingness. I'm currenttly working on the willingness to budge on ingrained ideas that I need to change in order to continue spiritual progress.

I come to AA in order to not forget that I have the disease and also to accept the more difficult realities and become willing to change.
Tonight's Friday Step Meeting will be at 7pm (Paris time) at:
https://zoom.us/j/6907802229

I'd love to see you there!
Alan

Chad 23 08 2019 8:24 am (sent from my mobile)
Chad, alcoholic.  This month, it's hit me maybe for the first time that Step 8 really helps me remember the harms that I did when I was drinking--nearly killing myself, risking others' lives, getting violently abusive in intimate situations, and other horrors.  That is a list of what this disease did to and through me, and just some of what AA saves me from, one wonderfully sober day at a time.  Grateful for your part in my sobriety today!  Show you care with a share πŸ‘

alan 9 August 6:13 pm
Step meeting starting in 15 minutes at https://zoom.us/j/6907802229
We will be working on Step eight.
Guest speaker Chad from St Lois USA
See ya there!

Chad 06 08 2019 1:16 pm (sent from my mobile)
Chad, alcoholic.  Grateful to be sober, and thanks, Alan, for the helpful share on Step 8.  My hero Paul M, 62 years sober when he passed!, kept a running 8th Step, and that's been helping me to do, too. 

Some names came to me, of people I had harmed in the workplace earlier in sobriety, with my must-get-ahead and also people-pleasing defects I believe.  and it was a real help to be able to add them to the saved email draft that's my running 8th Step.

Yesterday, I was listening to another sober alcoholic share about Steps 8 and 9--and having killed some people while driving drunk.  While I can't ever be positive that I didn't do that, because I blacked out so much, I am truly grateful that our 12 Steps daily save me from that horror, by keeping me sober.  



for questions contact webmaster@aaonlineen.fr
MODERATEUR DELETE (mot de passe admin requis)